/wvyvy/dvyly/309/

If you're gonna do it, do it for yourself. Humans are built to be selfish. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it definitely can be if it's not channeled correctly. Today's society has this weird relationship with selfishness but I digress. The point is not to be ashamed of being selfish, but rather to be honest about it.

A lot of issues, particularly in interpersonal relationships, are caused by selfishness. Or more specifically a lack of awareness or authenticity surrounding it. Take a parent for example. They may be under the impression they are giving the child things (education, shelter, food, love etc) for the child. When the reality is you are doing it for yourself. Selfishly. Which is okay! As long as you are honest about it. The issue arises when you do things for yourself and then tell yourself (and others) that you are doing it for your child. This can lead to significant confusion in the child, resentment in the parent and an place a significant strain on the relationship. So when you do things for other people, loved ones, friends family whatever, do it for you. Not for them.

Cus sometimes we can unconsciously or otherwise expect something in return when we give someone something. But then that's not really giving that's investing. Or lending. Which is selfish. Which is okay! But be honest about it. If you're gonna give, then give openly and don't look back. Even if they say ‘borrow’ or that they'll pay you back, don't expect them to. If they do then that's bonus money. It not, no harm done. It should feel good to give, especially if it's to someone you love or someone in dire need. And if it doesn't, maybe you shouldn't give. There can be a lot of guilt and pressure surrounding decisions like that. But if you are honest with yourself and cannot afford to give, be upfront about it. Better that than to have the resentment build up unspoken for years to then explode during some unrelated incident leaving everyone confused and hurt.

Long story short, save yourself a world of pain and sorrow by being selfish. Which is not to say you only do things for yourself, that's stupid. If you reallyyy truly think it through all the way 🤔, the most selfish thing you can do is to be a genuinely pleasant person to be around. Everyone will almost always do what you ask, give you what you want and seek your company. But they will only do that if you aren't phased by it. If you get what you want out of the interaction by having the interaction itself. Pleasing oneself not in a crass hedonistic way but in a pleasant communicable way. It's a long journey to get there, so until then make sure to

/stay/wayvy/